Head versus Heart

As I am writing this, tears are being shed for my first born child. Not for Vivie, but for my other baby, my Maltese Stella Pearl. After many discussions and many tears, we have made the decision to find a new home for Stella. Vivie is an aggressive little toddler, and is very curious about the world around her. This includes sweet little Stella. Stella prefers to relax on the couch with no interruptions, and Vivie is interested in what will happen when she pulls Stella's tail. Obviously, this is not a great household dynamic.

Stella is going on a "trial run" tomorrow, and if things work out she will be living with a dear friend of mine who has no idea how much she is putting me at ease.

After days of tears, I am finally gaining a little closure with the idea that Stella will not be cuddled up in my lap every night after Vivie is in bed.  The rational and logical side of my brain knows that Stella needs to be in a low-key environment where she can have peace and comfort. The rational and logical side of my brain knows that Vivie may be in danger with Stella around and as her mother I cannot put her in harm's way. The rational and logical side of my brain knows Stella will be so happy without a toddler pulling her hair and chasing her around the house. I know all of these things and keep going over and over them in my mind.

Then there's my heart.....

And it is breaking. I feel sad when I think about not seeing Stella's sweet little face first thing in the morning beside the bed. I feel sad when I think about waking up at 5 and drinking coffee with Stella on my lap before the crazy day begins. I feel sad when I think about going on walks without her. I feel sad thinking about how Stella has been my devoted little companion for the last 3 years.

I know there are bigger problems than this happening as I type these words. I keep telling myself to get over it and realize that losing a dog is not that big of a deal. I have not lost a child or a loved one. I have not lost my house or my job. I have not lost my health or my mind. I need to move on and take comfort in knowing this is the best thing for our family.

This is for the best - I know that it is for both Vivie and Stella. It just hurts so much and I think it will be that way for a while. Sacrifice is hard. I want Stella and Vivie to co-exist in harmony, but that is not my reality right now. I have to think about those two first, and not let my desire to keep my dog with me overwhelm my common sense.

Head versus heart - one of the most fundamental battles we all face every day. Hopefully, one day I will look back on this post and know that I made the right decision.

But for now, I think I need to mourn this for a bit. And mourn the fact that since Stella is moving to Kentucky, she may be wearing a Wildcat sweater instead of a Volunteer sweater. Now that is a tragedy. :)

Vivie Burton is on the Loose!

What a difference a few months make with a baby! I can still remember the days of Vivie lying on the bed or on the floor and not being able to move while I got all kinds of things done around the house. Those days are long gone! Vivie is practically running, and doing all sorts of adorable things that make me smile and laugh each day.
I cannot believe she is 17 months old and I now have a toddler running through my house. Each day she amazes me with something new. It is also amazing to me how quickly the days go by. Giving baths, cooking meals, going on  play dates, grading papers, reading books, cleaning house, and about a million other things are dominating our lives at the moment. Some days it seems like I don't even get to talk to Shane until 8 o'clock! Needless to say, I have had a difficult time keeping up with a blog. However, I wanted to take a minute for a "status update" on Vivie since she infuses my life daily with her joyful spirit.

Here is an update on who Vivie is right now:

You are currently 24 pounds and growing rapidly! Your little chubby legs and arms are always getting squeezed by mommy!

You LOVE Sesame Street - especially when they sing. My favorite thing you do right now is dance. You shimmy your little shoulders and just thinking about it makes me smile.
I probably let you watch more television than you should - but you are so cuddly and sweet on the couch that I can't help it! It is the only time you slow down.

Your favorite word is dog. You say it all the time! You like little dogs, but big dogs are still a little scary. You love to pet Stella.

Your first sentence was "It's hot." It has been over 100 degrees so it was a very accurate sentence!

You love running through the house - the little pitter-patter of your feet is one of my favorite sounds in the world.

Your favorite foods are grilled cheese sandwiches, pizza, beans, applesauce, and ice cream. You are not a picky eater yet!

You love baby dolls and I love that you love them. It is so cute to watch you feed them, pretend to bathe them, put diapers on them, and kiss on them.

You are so affectionate right now - you are getting really good at giving kisses!
It is getting more difficult to take you places right now. You want to walk and not be contained by the stroller, and you get really upset sometimes if you do not get what you want. The temper tantrums are a new experience for us! We are still working on dealing with those!

You are a total daddy's girl - mommy gets a little jealous sometimes because you are always wanting him.

You are such a joy to me. I had no idea how much fun you would be and how much I would adore watching you grow. Stay tuned for the next big milestone - potty training!

It's hot.

Today Vivie said her first complete sentence: it's hot. I know this does not seem like any revolutionary idea or anything, but to me it was a big deal. At first, I really did not think about it too much, but as I spent another 30 minutes in the car after driving an hour from Bowling Green today, it really sunk in about why this is so important.

For the last few days, I have been at an AP workshop at Western Kentucky attempting to prepare for a new class I am teaching in the fall. Needless to say, I am excited and intimidated about this new opportunity. I am thrilled to be given the chance to teach this challenging course. 2 of my favorite people in the whole world are experienced AP teachers, and for lack of a better word, my mentors about everything in the world of education. Their opinions really matter to me. They keep reassuring me that I am going to do a great job, but after sitting in this workshop learning about  concepts such as verisimilitude and enthymeme, I  am thinking about all of the ways I am going to mess this up for my juniors.  I am feeling overwhelmed and consumed.

5 o'clock finally rolls around and I get to see my sweet girl. As I am putting her in the car, she keeps repeating "it's hot" while I am thinking about how I am going teach rhetorical strategies and satire effectively throughout The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. Then it hit me - Vivie just put an idea together in her tiny little mind and conveyed it correctly to her mommy. I know that to most this may not seem like a huge accomplishment, but the more I thought it about the more important it seemed.

Why I am so consumed with being such a perfect teacher that all I can think about is the Toulmin model for teaching logic when my little girl just created a perfectly logical sentence? Why am I not thinking about how amazing she is and how every day holds new possibilities for her? Why am I not working on this blog more instead of reading blogs about how to effectively teach high school English? Why am I so consumed with my students creating perfect sentences when a 2 word sentence has thrilled me beyond belief? Why am I so obsessed with trying to be perfect and do it all?

I think for all of us moms it is so easy to get caught up in this dichotomy, especially when it concerns work and family. Don't get me wrong, I love my job. However, all I have been thinking about for the past 3 days is how to be the perfect teacher and how to wow my students with all I have to teach them. I think I need to think about how to wow Vivie with some love and affection. That is on the agenda for this weekend. I think it is going to be hot this weekend. If you are not sure, just ask Vivie and she will let you know.

Time in a Bottle

I have said it before and I will say it again, don't blink. It is unreal to me that I now have a toddler who is well on her way to walking, talking, eating on her own, and playing independently. Vivie's first birthday was a whirlwind of preparation, excitement, and yes, a few tears from her mama. Her 2 birthday parties went perfectly, although I must admit they were exhausting! All I could think about as I planned, planned, and planned, was that I wanted to stop time and soak her up just as she is right now at 1 year old.

So Vivie, to commemorate your first year, I want to try and capture time in a metaphorical bottle. This is who you are right now, as an amazing and sweet one year old baby girl.

Your laugh is the most contagious experience of my life. When you laugh that deep, hearty, belly laugh there is no better sound in the world. It would be impossible to not laugh or smile along with you. You laugh when we tickle you, especially on your chubby thighs, when we turn you upside down, when Stella licks you, when Daddy walks in the door,  when you see your cousins, and when you look at pictures. If there is one quality that I hope and pray you never lose, it would be your joyful spirit. It is infectious, and offers me more happiness than you will ever know.

You love to play. You are now loving on your babies and feeding them bottles, and it is probably the cutest thing I have ever seen. I love watching your mind figure things out, and I love the intense look you get on your face when you are playing with your toys.

You love to eat! We have transitioned you to table food, much to your delight, and you love it! Your favorite things right now are macaroni & cheese, green beans, grilled cheese, bananas, chicken, and you still love those cereal puffs. We love to watch you eat, and Stella loves it when you drop her some leftovers! You love drinking water, and are now enjoying milk. Mama is still working on dropping the last bottle, but it has been hard for me. I know once you are off the bottle, you will be a big girl!

You love other children, especially your cousins. Your face lights up when you see other children, and I hope that you will always have that loving, outgoing personality.

You love to crawl, and loved to be chased! You have stood on your own briefly, but do not seem that anxious to walk. We are working on it, but  right now you are very content to crawl.

You are on the go constantly and rarely want to be held. Your daddy and I are always craving cuddle time, but you never want to sit still. Any opportunity we have to just hold and cuddle you, we take full advantage of!


I hope one day you read this and it gives you an idea of who you are at this sweet, sweet age. I love listening to you babble, squeal, laugh, and growl. I love watching you crawl across the floor and play with your toys. I am trying to memorize every single aspect of you at this moment, and wish I could store it all up in a bottle. My time in a bottle will be the thousands of pictures, the videos, and this blog. I hope that you will read this one day, maybe when you have a 1 year old, and gain a sense of your radiance, your happiness, and your charming nature. I delight in every day with you, and watching you grow has been the greatest joy of my life.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

I know this is coming really late. And I am not one to procrastinate, but after Christmas, I found myself organizing Christmas decorations, sorting through all of Vivie's new toys, getting ready for a new teaching semester, and wishing Shane a safe trip every weekend on his way to Arkansas for his favorite time of year. Needless to say, I have not had much time to reflect on Vivie's first Christmas even though it was magical!

I absolutely love Christmas. I love throwing parties, decorating, dressing up, shopping, wrapping, baking, etc. I love everything about the holiday and now sharing it with Vivie has brought a special holiday even more magic and excitement. I had no idea how excited I would be about being "Santa" and dressing Vivie up in her adorable Christmas dresses. Everyone kept telling me not to expect much from her, but as usual Vivie delivered her joy and sunshine right on schedule.

The week leading up to Christmas was crazy. Between Monday night family dinner, Tuesday night family dinner, time with Shane's immediate family, and time with my immediate family, we were exhausted. I did not know how Vivie would react to all of the excitement, noise, and chaos, but she was amazing. She enjoyed every minute of her time with all of her cousins, but was thoroughly exhausted by the time she made it to bed each night.

Christmas morning brought more excitement. Ironically, Vivie decided to sleep a little later than usual, and we were dying for her to wake up! Lucky little Vivie had many visitors that morning. All of her grandparents and great grandparents came by to see her, and play with her toys.

I was not sure if she would even know what was going on, but she took off after the toys! I think her favorite gift was her little people and her new kitchen. She seemed to have so much fun playing with all of her toys. I know each year will bring in new excitement, and there is truly nothing like seeing the enchantment of the holiday through a child's eyes.

Vivie's first Christmas was something I know I will never forget. I  hope to instill in her the true meaning of the season, and I hope she will always be filled with peace in knowing she is never alone. I have always loved Christmas, but now there are no words to even begin describe how much I will look forward to sharing the holidays with she and Shane. All of my dreams have come true and what a perfect time of year to reflect on the happiness that God has blessed me with.

My Cup Runneth Over - Counting the Blessings of Vivie

I cannot believe Vivie's first Thanksgiving has come and gone! I always feel like Thanksgiving gets the short end of the stick with Christmas being close behind, but I always attempt to try and think about what it means to be thankful. This year especially, I feel as though I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the small joys in life, along with the more significant blessings. For the last 9 months, Vivie seems to offer a new blessing every day through her laughter, her smiles, her cuddles, and her babbling.

We had a great day together as a family, even though Vivie started our Thanksgiving lunch by throwing up all over the floor! The day was spent with family surrounded by the blessings of yummy food and sweet babies. Vivie went to bed at 6:30 because she was so exhausted! Although the day was fun, I wanted Vivie to read this one day and know exactly what I was feeling on this special day.

Vivie, if you are reading this one day, I decided to commemorate your first Thanksgiving by compiling a list of why I am thankful this year, and as you can imagine you are at the top of that list!

I am so thankful for you. Words will never be able to convey how miraculous I think you are. I know that there are healthy babies born each day, but I never want to take you and your health for granted. When I think about all of the heartache in the world that is caused by illness and suffering, just the fact that you arrived with no complications and that you wake up each day smiling and healthy is enough to keep me counting blessings each day.

I am so thankful for your father. You have no idea yet what a perfect role model he is for you. His love, devotion, and support for both of us is something rare. He never complains, and works harder than anyone I know to give us both a wonderful life. He is exactly the kind of man you should marry one day, and his values, morals, and love should mirror everything you want in a husband.

I am so thankful for our families and our friends. You are loved by so many people, and one day I hope you begin to fathom how blessed that makes you. There are people that will love you, support you, cry with you, laugh with you, and never turn their backs on you. There are people that would lay down their life for you. Take comfort in knowing that you will never be alone.

I so thankful for our home. Your father and I have spent hours filling our house with love, laughter, friends, warmth, and peace. It is my favorite place to be, and I hope that it will be your favorite place to be one day too.

I am so thankful for the food on our table and for my job. As hard as it to leave you every day, I still feel lucky to love my students, my colleagues, and my subject. I am thankful that most days I feel needed and respected, and that maybe at least one student will remember me in ten years. I hope that you will find something you are passionate about and dedicate yourself to it with all of your creative energy. It is a great feeling.

As we all reflect at this special time of year, Vivie my hope for you is that you will always be grateful and not take things for granted. It is so easy to do, but just stop and think about the magnitude of all you have to be happy about. Even things that we enjoy each day like coffee, heated seats, air conditioning, books, technology, rain, the sunshine, hiking trails, etc.; they all matter. I could go on and on about this for days, but I want you to always take comfort in the idea that you always have something to be thankful for, and that matters. And what matters most, and what I have been hoping to convey in this blog, in how thankful I am for you, and how deep my love is for you.

It's Fall Ya'll!

I love the fall. I love the first few crisp days, wearing boots and sweaters, football, bonfires, and fall food. I especially love the fact that the holidays are right around the corner, and with the exception of summer, December is my favorite time of year. However, I know many people will be shocked to hear this, but Halloween is not really a day that I look forward to like some. Don't get me wrong, I love candy and cute costumes, but it always seems like a strange holiday to me. So when it came time to start thinking about Vivie and Halloween, I have to be honest that I was probably not the most eager mommy around.

When I was growing up, all of my costumes were hand sewn by my grandmother and were always adorable thanks to she and my mom. Those of you that know me, know that I am by no means anywhere close to being able to sew or even thread a needle. I thought for a while about what I wanted Vivie to be, but after seeing the cutest orange tutu at TJ Maxx, I decided that Vivie must wear it on Halloween. Where else will she be able to wear an orange tutu? My wonderful friend Kelly agreed to make her a pumpkin shirt to match, and after finding a precious hair bow, she was all set, until I started seeing other kids, especially on Facebook. My guilt that she was not wearing a "real" costume set in, and I debated on whether or not to be a last minute at mom at Party City searching through the leftovers. I made my peace with it and put her in the tutu and she looked great. It was funny to me though that  all of a sudden this was such a big deal in my world.

We decided not to take Vivie out on Halloween, but we visited a pumpkin patch the weekend before, and took her to our church for Trunk or Treat. She was not that impressed with the pumpkin patch, but was a big fan of Trunk or Treat. She loved strolling around and seeing all of the children and the amazing trunks. Her favorite part of the night was definitely the glow necklace, which she held on to very tightly until she went to bed. No candy this year, but she was all smiles throughout the night.

Like I mentioned earlier, Halloween is not my favorite holiday, but I know that experiencing it with Vivie throughout the years is going to create an entirely new meaning. I cannot believe she is approaching her first Thanksgiving or her first Christmas. Time is flying much too quickly as always. I know that I am going to blink and my little pumpkin princess is going to be running down a street knocking on doors with me trying to catch up.